Make the time...

There’s a myth in our society that good sex has to be spontaneous. Which is like saying a good meal has to be spontaneous. In fact it’s quite the opposite, the better the meal usually the more focus and time is put into it. Otherwise you get McDonalds. It’s the same with sex. Give it the focus it needs or you end up with MacDonald’s sex – dull and not very satisfying.

People often reminisce about the early days of their romance when it was supposedly spontaneous, but in fact there was a huge amount of lead-up and anticipation. You’d be thinking all week of Saturday night and what you’d wear, what you’d do, where you’d go…

If you want good relations you’ve got to create the time and the space to get in the mood, yearning for each other...

It starts way before the bedroom. Ideally it should start the moment you wake up and smile ... knowing what awaits you. And should continue throughout the day, to build intimacy and raise erotic tension (I call it the ‘mmm’ factor!)

Once the time comes you need to chill out. Being in each other’s company and enjoying each other’s company is the key to good sex. Soft lights, music, a glass of wine and each other. This is transition time from the busyness of your day to a relaxed space where you can gently open up.

By the time you get the bedroom you’ll be feeling pretty good, and the ‘mmm’ factor will be simmering, if not boiling! Use your space to put you even more in the mood. Make sure it’s a sanctuary away from the stress of life, a place that when you enter, you leave the world behind. Soft lighting, candles, music, beautiful bed linen, whatever makes you soften and open.

And then…it’s playtime! Take your time, treat sex more as a picnic than as a race towards a finish. Gaze into each other’s eyes, touch all over, use props, whatever. Be light and playful, use your imagination, enjoy each other’s bodies and get into a flow. Playful, wild, sensual, wherever it takes you. Just not dull.

Create the time, create the space.